Get out of my yard!

I have an image in my mind today. It is a picture that someone ( I assume my mother) took of me when I was very young. I am standing at the window which faced the back yard of my childhood home. I am looking out the window with my hands on my hips and a stern look on my face. Most people who have seen the picture just glance over it and don't really see much in it. The image, however subtle, actually has a lot more to it than what it seems.

We lived next to some really difficult neighbors, and I could fill an entire blog about the things I went through with them as our neighbors, but I won't. I will just sum up my experiences with my neighbors in one small phrase:  "Thank God I have a wonderful therapist!!!".

When the neighbors would come into our yard, something bad would always happen. Most of the time they were either there to steal something or to beat up on one of us. They would throw stones and sometimes poo at us from over the fence. The fence was my friend, it was the only form of protection from them at the time. I remember once, when I was playing in the front yard with my sister, I saw the nose of a gun come through one of the holes in the fence. I ran towards her and got both of us down just before they fired the gun. Of course it was an air gun and might not have killed her but I didn't know it at the time. So, I think my childhood was somewhat defined as one of those "look over your shoulder" childhoods. I didn't know what was coming next most of the time.

So, back to the image. I would stand at the window and shout "get out of my yard!" when I would see the neighbor boys coming into the yard. I was a very stern and stubborn little thing and I would let them have it with all 2 and a half or 3 feet of my little frame. It was that strength and stature that I was remembering today when I was thinking of this image. Somewhere, in the past 8 or so years, I have lost that feeling of strength. I think it was slowly beaten out of me by life events. I don't really have the answer as to how or why it disappeared, but that it did, I am sure.

These past few months I have made a lot of changes in my life. I can't really be specific because those things are very personal. I am feeling like I am starting to regain some of that power and strength I had as a child. That stubborn independent streak that kept me animated has slowly started to return. I welcome it!  I do have to be careful though because there is such a thing as too stubborn and too independent.