I adore you!

So, loneliness is a matter of perception, right? I imagine it is. I am pretty sure there is some study out there that proves what I just said. So, I was thinking about how I have always been the person who would choose very carefully the people I surrounded myself with and was never someone who encouraged or fostered superficial relationships.  I think it reflects in my friends list on Facebook. I am very much a person of QUALITY and not QUANTITY.  So much so, that I believe that deep friendships are just as important as having a spouse. So, it made me wonder how lonely these people are who have hundreds of friends on Facebook.

Stop and think about it for a minute. If you truly have 850 friends, that would mean that if you were to speak to every single one of them at least once a month (what I would consider very superficial) you would have to see and  maintain a relationship with a minimum of 2 people on your list every single day of your life. You wouldn't be able to repeat the visit, because there just isn't enough time to see all of those people and have quality time with them. Okay, so I know the thinking is a bit radical, but I really think that the people with the most friends are actually the loneliest. If you have to maintain a superficial relationship with a lot of people, it must be exhausting and lonely.

What logic did I use to draw my conclusion? I didn't!!!  I just think I am right. Ha ha ha!
Actually it was all because of a thought I had about Brazil. One of the most difficult things for me has been how superficial friends are here. I don't really know how to deal with it most of the time. I feel a bit like a fish out of water when it comes to making friends here. I have always been someone who makes a strong connection with my friends and remain that way for very long spaces of time. I grew up in a place where you clearly knew if a person liked you or not. The opposite happened in Brazil, I got so overwhelmed by superficial connections when I moved here, that I just stopped trying to make real friends. I ended up isolating myself and stuck to the few friends I did have.

Brazilians are masters at superficial. Well, they take second place to southern women from the USA. (please no hate mail from either side!)
My first month living here in Brazil, I had maybe 11 people tell me how much they "adored" me. So, you tell me, at what point in ONE MONTH, I could have possibly been worthy of the adoration of 11 people? I swear to you, I didn't rescue any puppies or jump into any fires during that month.  To me, adoration is something deep, that you feel for people you truly like. I have only used the word adore or something similar to that with friends on very rare occasions. After I finally realized that most people here put on a production with EVERYONE, I began to understand how superficial things were. I still get confused by it, and really have no clue when someone actually does truly like me. The fact that everyone here is very physical and touchy just confuses me even more and makes me feel a bit like "Max" from "Mary and Max".  Like I need to wear a booklet around my neck to interpret what is REALLY going on.

I used to be able to make clear definitions in my mind between a potential good friend and a superficial one. Growing up in the USA you don't have to worry so much about the physical cues being confusing. I mean if a guy held your hand he liked you, if you LET him hold it, then you liked him. If your friend gave you a hug he/she liked you. If he/she hugged you harder you felt the energy and knew the cue of friendship. So, what happens when everyone hugs, everyone kisses, everyone holds hands??? CONFUSION! I can't tell you what a mess it has made of my mind and when I will figure it out. I can't rely anymore on who hugs tighter or who holds on longer. So what do I do? Any ideas?  ha ha ha!

I can only assume that by telling everyone you adore them and by being physical with everyone, it could eventually lead to a sense of satisfaction. I guess one could develop a sense of security by thinking that everyone likes you and that you like everyone. FOR ME... it has done the opposite and now I don't think anyone is sincere.  Maybe because I wasn't born here or raised that way, I can't quite grasp how it all works. It has caused me to be skeptical and totally blind when a true friend really does show up. So, I am open to any ideas or input... would I really know the difference when a real one does show up?  I need a bigger instruction manual here. Ha ha ha! I just have to laugh! Because if you can't rely on social cues then...  I have NO IDEA how these people do it!!!
PS. I ADORE YOU! ;)

Wii got the upper hand.

I have been trying to lose weight for my trip home to visit family in December. I was going to do it alone but since I started the diet/workout routine, I have been joined by my Mom and -M-. I have decided that the exercise portion of my diet is going to be based on three items: The Wii, a jump rope and running.  I will have to progress through the 3 items as I lose weight, I can't just skip to the running portion of my routine. I need to lose a bit of weight first in order to be able to use a jump rope and then on to running.

So, most of my family and friends know how active I was before I got Perthes. I was in tap, gymnastics, track and field  and skiing. Running was something I absolutely loved doing before I got Perthes. I was one of the fastest in my class and was preparing to compete in the Hershey's track meet when I went into the hospital the first time. I regularly have dreams that I am running or dancing and the freedom I feel when I am doing these activities in my dreams is so powerful.  I wake up depressed knowing that it isn't real.  I can't say, I gave up on those things because perhaps with a total hip replacement it might still be a possibility.

Just after I got out of my braces (legs), I went overboard trying to do everything I could possibly do and pushed my physical limits to the absolute edge. I went climbing, rappelling, skiing, snowboarding... you name it and I at least tried it. Of course there were many disappointments, like when I tried to water-ski. I can't keep my legs together long enough to get up out of the water. I tried it several times, and ended up just being towed around on a big old whale floater. I think over time, things started getting more and more difficult as I abused the limits of my body. I now have more pain in my knees than I do in my hips.

So bringing this back around to last night, I was again reminded of my limitations when I couldn't physically move my legs off the ground. I was at a friends place playing Just Dance on the Wii. It was difficult to even allow myself to try, because every time I was required to move my feet, I would feel the pain shooting through my hips. I know this will get better as I lose weight, and this is my number one goal. I need to have more freedom, I need to be able to feel that running is a possibility.

So....
Dear Wii, you got the upper hand last night,
Sitting there all smug with your superior plight.
Look over your shoulder my little friend.
Because my discontent will be your end!

Winter Wonderland

It is winter in Brazil and you wouldn't really know it. This week I was able to wear my tank-tops and shorts a few time. I enjoy weather like this, but I am really am missing the winter wonderland weather I grew up with in Utah. It has been almost 9 years since I experienced a really cold winter. I would love to see snow again! I would love to wake up and  walk outside to see the front yard covered in snow. I want to look down the street and see the trees covered in the white powder. I would love to feel the snow crunch under my boots and pick it up and let it melt in my hands. I really hope I am able to see a little snow when I visit the USA in Dec.

I can't say I haven't felt the winter at all this year in Brazil, because I have. Just a few weeks ago, the weather was really cold and because it isn't normal to have a heater, my feet felt like little Popsicle for a week straight. I have been lucky enough though to avoid the viruses going around and I just got a slight sinus infection (knock on wood). I would like to keep it that way and not get sick this year.

If it does get any colder, I think I will find a small room at work,turn on the heater, curl up in a corner and hibernate. How funny would that be... Students, please ignore the lump in the corner, that is just the American in hibernation . Put a sign on me (please don't poke the American in hibernation).

I am a ninja!

Something made me laugh really hard in class the other night. I was playing the audio CD for the class to check their book work. I played it the first time around and one of my students started erasing the answers she had written down in her book. I then played the tape a second time and she put up her hand and said... "Wait just a minute please! I was right the first time." I looked at her and smiled, she looked back at me with a really confused face and said... "The first time you played it, the man said something different than what he said this time." Her face was totally serious, so I knew she really felt she had been cheated or something. I sat there in silence waiting for her to realize that this is a CD and I couldn't have possibly changed the answers between playing it the first time and playing it the second time. What the man on the tape said the first time is exactly what he said the second time. After a 20 to 30 second pause and some awkward silence. she was still looking at me as if I had done something wrong. Another student of mine broke the silence by saying "Yes, teacher got up, took the CD out of the player, replaced it with a false one, sat back down and hit play again, just to confuse you". I couldn't help it... I busted up laughing and backed what he said up with "My ninja skills are awesome". I was almost rolling on the floor in laughter. It was so funny and in the end she finally realized how silly it sounded ... Poor girl! she knows I love her! ... I hope ;)

Good Luck... on your wedding day.

One of my students reminded me yesterday of a conversation I had with her a few months ago. It was about a phrase that is commonly used in Brazil for weddings. Every time I think of this conversation it makes me laugh a bit. I find these slight cultural differences really facilitating and entertain most of the time.

We were talking about the phrase "good luck". She had mentioned to me that she says "good luck" to a bride and groom. I said "hold up". I need to get this straight in my head. "You wished the bride and groom good luck?" I asked. She then told me that it was very common to say this to a bride and groom. I still couldn't get this phrase to settle in my head as a good thing to say to a newly married couple.

The image that this phrase in the context of a wedding night brings to my head is not good. I was trying to picture in my mind being at a wedding. I go to hug the bride and groom and then cross my fingers and tell them "good luck". To me, telling someone "good luck" on the wedding day, translates into something other than I wish you happiness in your life. It roughly translates in my mind to, "wow you are brave" and "I wouldn't do it myself but good luck in your courageous dive into the deep end of the pool". I could just imagine my best friend glancing over at my spouse and saying "good luck". Oh the image makes me laugh.

Apparently in a culture where sarcasm isn't widely used nor understood, the term "Boa Sorte" or "Good Luck" is perfectly fine and normal to use at a wedding. So... Good Luck all you newlyweds out there!!! ... nope, sorry I still can't say it without feeling the sarcasm in the phrase.

Brazil vs. USA (Cultural Differences)

I’ve been mulling over where I should pick this blog back up. I have shown a lot of information about food and traditions here in Brazil but I think this blog is in desperate need of some cultural and social comparisons with the country I was born.

Here they are and in no rational order.Oh and please keep in mind that these are just my opinions!!!

USA	BRAZIL
I will do it alone	We will do it together
Omit the truth = Liar Liar Pants On Fire!	Omit the truth= Harmony and Peace
No!	Let’s see, well, perhaps, Maybe
Confront me= bring it on, I could use some good advice.	Confront me= You are being rude to me.
Tell me exactly what you expect me to do, or how you would like me to react.	Ambiguous communication to put across and ever expanding range of emotional responses.
The social protocol is the same for everyone.	Members of different social groups have different social protocol.
Authority= you have earned it.	Authority = anyone older, more educated or richer than me. And the police are exempt from consideration.
Go out and earn a living my child.	Stay home and help me out a bit longer.
Be fruitful and multiply (in your own home)	Be semi-fruitful and multiply once or perhaps twice (in our home).
Grandma and Grandpa can be found in room 3382A at the local nursing home.	Grandma and Grandpa can be found down the hall on the right, just past Mom and Dad’s room.
Let’s have a BBQ = Just the immediate family and maybe a few friends.	Let’s have a BBQ= Anyone who has our blood running though their veins and all of their neighbors. Oh and don’t forget the family pets as well.
Beer= Let’s get drunk.	Beer= Damn it is hot and I am thirsty.
I alone stand… I alone fall.	We stand together… We fall together.
Moving out= Get a house in a different city, county and perhaps state.	Moving out= buying the house or apartment a block from Mom’s place.
18= don’t let the door hit you on the way out.	18= you have 10 more years to settle down with a partner and get married. After that, we will talk about buying you the house next door.
Not making it to parent teacher conference= you don’t love or support your child nor his/her education.	Not making it to parent teacher conference= you probably had the best of intention but Aunt Carolina came for coffee just as you were grabbing your keys to leave.
Billy is going to be expelled from school= I am taking my lawyer with me to the meeting.	Billy is going to be expelled from school= He probably deserves what punishment they give him. I will admit fault and they will go easy on him.
If your voice is loud= you are being aggressive and screaming at me.	If your voice is loud= what do you mean my voice is loud… this is how I normally talk.
Party time: from 6:00 – 12:30	Party time: What??? Nobody can tell me when the party stops!!! If it’s over, come to my place and we will continue.