See this box? This is my space!

Over the weekend, I went to visit a friend of mine. She gave birth to two boys about a month ago. She has been trying for almost 20 years to have a baby and after many unsuccessful IVF treatments, she finally gave birth. I was holding Henrique in my arms and watching him snuggle up to me, and started to think seriously about something. At what point in our lives do we start to reject this need for closeness and start to draw the invisible line around our bodies ? You know what line I am talking about, it is that line that very few people can cross and not make us feel like taking a step back. Most of us started out as cuddly little creatures with an insatiable thirst for cuddles and attention, why then, do we grow up needing our free space?

I recognize that this personal boundary line is bigger in some cultures and smaller in others. There are even some cultures where the line does not exist at all. Most Americans have an understanding about the boundaries that each individual has. The majority of people in Brazil don’t have a personal boundary line, and if they do, not many people know that it is something to be respected. Being an American, I started drawing my line at a young age, as I got older this boundary line got wider and more solid.

Something amazing happened though over the last few years. I had hundreds of Brazilians trampling over that line, that now I can't even tell it is there. I have actually felt my boundary shrink quite a bit. I no longer cringe or lose focus when someone steps into my space. I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. I think it is kinda like what my Grandma J used to always say… "you can like it or lump it". I didn’t have a choice when I got here, it wasn’t like I could tell every single person I knew, that I had a boundary and then go into an explanation about what it was and how I got it. I just had to accept it and move on.

It was hard at first to feel any comfort with someone holding my arm or my hand when they talked to me, it is very common for an older person to talk to someone younger this way. Brazilians are not afraid to show affection and this even includes school aged children. It isn’t uncommon to see two boys all up in each other’s space.

I am not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing. I just know that it feels much better having one less thing I need to worry about. Now… the big problem is when I go back home for a visit, I wonder how many people I am going drive up the wall with my boundary crossings.