Thanks!

Mom had a tradition of sitting down at the Thanksgiving table and asking each of us to take turns saying what we were thankful for that year. This usually ended up with the one speaking getting a bit choked up and as kids we dreaded our turn. So we would quietly wait, just hoping Mom would forget about the tradition for one year. Of course she never forgot and we would always end up taking our turn. 

So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, even though I can't be at the table with my Mom, I want to take my turn. 

--I am thankful that I have both of my parents alive and healthy and that they both STILL love me ;)  I am on another continent I can still feel the love!!! I am thankful for the examples of dedication and love they have given me through my life. 

--I am thankful for my sister. She is an incredible woman and I have so much that I can learn from her. I love you!

--I am thankful for my brothers.  I have got three of the best brothers anyone could ask for. I am thankful for everything you guys have ever done for me!!! I love you guys and you (along with my sister) definitely make my list of heroes.

--I am thankful that I am an aunt 12 times over. I love every single one of those kids and am so incredibly thankful  and excited that I will get the chance to see all of them in just a few weeks!!!  

--If I think back to November of last year, I would have never guessed that I would have come so far. I had so much personal growth this year that I am hardly recognizable… and that is a good thing!  I made one goal and once I reached it, I made another and when I reached that I made another, and on and on it went. I am thankful for STRENGTH. 

--I am thankful I have a job that I enjoy.  I am thankful I have a cool boss (who might read this… so I will follow this with a big ;) (wink))

-- I am thankful for sacrifice, those who do/have done it for me and those who allow/have allowed me to do it for them. It is an integral part of our growth and it makes us stronger.  

--I am thankful for my sub-family and friends here in Brazil… the ones who treat me like I am one of the family and love and respect me. Thank you so much for everything you do! 

--I am thankful for sushi… without it, the world would be... well... just boring.

Travels ahead

I know it has been a month but I haven't been able to find the time to write in my blog.

I bought tickets to visit my parents and I am really excited to go. My brothers have bought tickets for me to fly and visit each of them. I really can't wait to see the kids again!!! I have not even met one of them and she is growing up so fast and hasn't met her tia yet.

I am going to be in the states for a little over a month. I am going to be joined by a friend there and then my Mom, sister, friend and I are all going to travel around the west coast. I am totally stoked! I can't even tell you how long it has been since I had a road trip with my sister! The last road trip I had was with my Mom and it was a lot of fun. I can't wait to go!!! It will be in the winter so we are a little crazy but I think it is fitting! The only sad part is that Mari can't be there. She is going to try and compensate for not being able to go, by visiting Buenos Aires for a week.

My head is still so wrapped up in things going on here though, that I have not been able to concentrate on getting my paperwork in order. I don't really know if there will come a time that I will feel like doing it, but I need to get it done soon.

It is in the silence that we must listen.

I was reading Seth Godin's blog this morning and again I came across a post that I would like to comment on.

He says:

"Not fade away

Most partnerships don't end up in court.
Most friendships don't end in a fight.
Most customers don't leave in a huff.
Instead, when one party feels under-appreciated, or perhaps taken advantage of, she stops showing up as often. Stops investing. Begins to move on.
No, I'm not going to sue you. Yes, I'll probably put my best efforts somewhere else.
Just because there are no firestorms on the porch doesn't mean you're doing okay. More likely, there are relationships out there that need more investment, quiet customers who are unhappy but not making a big deal out of it. They're worth a lot more than the angry ones."

I can't begin to tell you about how many times this exact thought has crossed my mind. Perhaps the thought was not as well organized as Seth's post, but the content of his post has crossed my mind on many occasions. I very frequently encounter situations where an individual has assumed that things were running smoothly because there were no complaints. He comments that "just because there are no firestorms on the porch that doesn't mean you're doing okay" and then mentions that quiet customers may not be happy but are just not making a big deal about it. It is true that perhaps most of them are quite satisfied but I would like to take a look at and comment on this attitude of interpreting the silence. 

It isn't normal for everyone to walk through life just assuming that everyone is unhappy and that in the "quiet customer" or in the "quiet friend" there is an unhappiness with the service/attention given. I do think however that Americans in general tend to question the silence a bit more than others. I recently gave thought to the idea that perhaps I was raised to be less naive about my friends and those I come into contact with. I never looked at silence as a sign of satisfaction. I have always felt more uncomfortable around people who are even keel. When there is no emotion expressed, my red flags go up. Perhaps this is a mentality passed down from my entrepreneurial great-grandmother or perhaps it is an American mentality. 

If I go one step further into this (as I am about to do) then I would like to draw attention to the idea that... Americans read words. We have been programmed to read words because we don't express as much through physical contact.  We need to take the words that someone says, the intonation with which they are said and combine that with the body language that projects those words and only then do we process it. I have only been able to recognize and understand this a bit more while living here in Brazil.

For someone who is not used to reading through words,  it can become a confusing process (as I have recently encountered with an American who lost contact with the culture) to learn how to communicate this way. I like to think of it as the process of waking back up and becoming less naive, since you inevitably have to look past the easily faked physical contact and literally see peoples words. It can be a very painful process to become aware of people's true feelings. Most people would prefer to live in oblivion and hear only what someone chooses to communicate to us. However, when your position or friendship depends on not  doing that, then you must learn to read the words being spoken and listen during the silence.

Last Wednesday, I was having a discussion with one of my students when something about this subject came up. The student is about to travel to the USA and she is very worried that she will feel bad once she arrives there. She has heard from several people that Americans don't greet with a kiss and won't usually express satisfaction with seeing someone through physical contact. As a Brazilian she is used to reading through body language. She knows that when she sees a friend after a long separation that there will be lots of hugs and kisses and the persons body language will tell her that they are happy to see her. My discussion with this student drew me to the conclusion (one that I expressed to her) that... Just as much as she is reading the body language, Americans are telling you the same thing through their words. Just because we are ot invading your personal space, does not mean that we are not happy to see you. Stop for a moment and listen to what we are saying, it is through our words that we are expressing our love and happiness with you. Perhaps later she could sit down and read her friends blog and find out what he/she truly felt when she arrived. :)

Where does that leave me though... someone who was raised as as a very vocally expressive individual who communicates primarily though my words, and is now learning to express myself physically as well. I guess it leaves me being very confused about who is saying what, and is leaving me very sensitive to the vocal and physical silence. Not expressing to me either vocally or physically how you feel leaves me empty and unsatisfied with you. Like I said... even keel is not my thing. So, the way I see it, just as much in the professional world as in the personal one, I need to find a balance between the two. The ideal mix of physical and vocal expression. I need to fill my life with those who can maintain that balance as well. I need people around me who can hear me when I speak and when I don't. I need to be around people who will let me hear them as well. Those who prefer to sit in silence have not yet learned that one important step in human development, to allow others to feel and fill in the voids. 

Bringing this back to Seth's post... I think that whether you live in a physically expressive society or a vocally expressive society, you will ALWAYS need to pay attention to the quiet ones. We need to remember that they exist and that perhaps they are not as happy as we think they might be. Perhaps we could find a way to make them a bit more satisfied and turn them into happy talkative costumers/friends. If we leave them to their silence, we may potentially lose them.

Runner

Well, I did it, I signed my life away! I am locked into a year contract with a gym. It is really really expensive and I hesitated to go for it... but I knew that it was the only way to get me committed to doing it. If it was cheap, I would never go.  The best thing about it is that it includes the pool. I am a fish and I love the water!

So, today I am going to look for a swimming suit, this might be the most difficult task for the entire year. Finding a swimming suit for a girl my size isn't the easiest task in Brazil. In the USA it is difficult for other reasons, my size is usually the first sold in the states. In Brazil, I am lucky if they make my size. Anyway, about to change that I hope :)  I am totally excited about it. They have so many classes I want to participate in, like boxing :D he he he!

I am sure this is not the last time you hear about the gym, it is a year contract after all. :-)


--- Update:  Expensive doesn't necessarily mean commitment---  Ooops!

Passwords

Fromses nowses onses, Ises haveses decidedeses thatses Ises willses ignorses theses socialses ruleses andses continueses toses makeses funses ofses peopleses whoses talkses funnyses. Thereses onceses waseses a dayses in whichses I metses a boyses, and the boyses madeses me very confuseses. I couldn'tses understanses thatses heses waseses speakingses Englisheses untilses I realizedeses that he wases addingses "ses" toses everyses wordeses.
 

Weekend clicked

It is simple, it just clicked. My weekend was so nice and I felt so relaxed. You know when things just click? Like when everything is just in a really good rhythm? I spent two days relaxing with friends and enjoying nature. We stayed up late talking about everything under the sun (and then some). I love moments like that! I wish it didn't have to end, but reality is that work starts early tomorrow.
Genuine happiness! Thanks!

Truth just around the corner...

I read the post today on Seth Godin's blog. It is about taking a closer look at your business, and if your business is one that is willing to take a look in the mirror to see its flaws or if you are willing to just go with the status quo.

I particularly like the imagery he draws when he says:

"Sometimes, we get close to finding out who we really are, what's the status of our situation, what's holding us back. When one of those conversations is going on, do you lean in, eager for more, or do you back off, afraid of what it will mean?" 

I immediately saw this "eager leaning in" as something I regularly do for work, but that I don't do on a personal level.

His focus was on businesses and if their owners are willing to see their flaws and actually show interest and make changes. I believe that these changes and acceptance of  "critical thinking" should apply all the way down to the individuals involved. This process of taking in the information that others have about us has become intolerable to most people. The opinions of others have become just that, opinions. There is no great effort to "lean in" and listen to what others feel could make us a better person.

Perhaps in our struggle for independence, in our own personal separation from the chaff, we lost the ability to listen to criticism. Perhaps we feel vulnerable when our insides are exposed and protect ourselves from being cut open at any cost. We no longer seek out personal and individual remodeling, when what most of us need is to be gutted out and have the supporting beams replaced with  securely cemented foundations.  It isn't natural for man to stop redefining his character, so the struggle against nature to remain closed is a tiresome battle that isn't easily won.

I adore you!

So, loneliness is a matter of perception, right? I imagine it is. I am pretty sure there is some study out there that proves what I just said. So, I was thinking about how I have always been the person who would choose very carefully the people I surrounded myself with and was never someone who encouraged or fostered superficial relationships.  I think it reflects in my friends list on Facebook. I am very much a person of QUALITY and not QUANTITY.  So much so, that I believe that deep friendships are just as important as having a spouse. So, it made me wonder how lonely these people are who have hundreds of friends on Facebook.

Stop and think about it for a minute. If you truly have 850 friends, that would mean that if you were to speak to every single one of them at least once a month (what I would consider very superficial) you would have to see and  maintain a relationship with a minimum of 2 people on your list every single day of your life. You wouldn't be able to repeat the visit, because there just isn't enough time to see all of those people and have quality time with them. Okay, so I know the thinking is a bit radical, but I really think that the people with the most friends are actually the loneliest. If you have to maintain a superficial relationship with a lot of people, it must be exhausting and lonely.

What logic did I use to draw my conclusion? I didn't!!!  I just think I am right. Ha ha ha!
Actually it was all because of a thought I had about Brazil. One of the most difficult things for me has been how superficial friends are here. I don't really know how to deal with it most of the time. I feel a bit like a fish out of water when it comes to making friends here. I have always been someone who makes a strong connection with my friends and remain that way for very long spaces of time. I grew up in a place where you clearly knew if a person liked you or not. The opposite happened in Brazil, I got so overwhelmed by superficial connections when I moved here, that I just stopped trying to make real friends. I ended up isolating myself and stuck to the few friends I did have.

Brazilians are masters at superficial. Well, they take second place to southern women from the USA. (please no hate mail from either side!)
My first month living here in Brazil, I had maybe 11 people tell me how much they "adored" me. So, you tell me, at what point in ONE MONTH, I could have possibly been worthy of the adoration of 11 people? I swear to you, I didn't rescue any puppies or jump into any fires during that month.  To me, adoration is something deep, that you feel for people you truly like. I have only used the word adore or something similar to that with friends on very rare occasions. After I finally realized that most people here put on a production with EVERYONE, I began to understand how superficial things were. I still get confused by it, and really have no clue when someone actually does truly like me. The fact that everyone here is very physical and touchy just confuses me even more and makes me feel a bit like "Max" from "Mary and Max".  Like I need to wear a booklet around my neck to interpret what is REALLY going on.

I used to be able to make clear definitions in my mind between a potential good friend and a superficial one. Growing up in the USA you don't have to worry so much about the physical cues being confusing. I mean if a guy held your hand he liked you, if you LET him hold it, then you liked him. If your friend gave you a hug he/she liked you. If he/she hugged you harder you felt the energy and knew the cue of friendship. So, what happens when everyone hugs, everyone kisses, everyone holds hands??? CONFUSION! I can't tell you what a mess it has made of my mind and when I will figure it out. I can't rely anymore on who hugs tighter or who holds on longer. So what do I do? Any ideas?  ha ha ha!

I can only assume that by telling everyone you adore them and by being physical with everyone, it could eventually lead to a sense of satisfaction. I guess one could develop a sense of security by thinking that everyone likes you and that you like everyone. FOR ME... it has done the opposite and now I don't think anyone is sincere.  Maybe because I wasn't born here or raised that way, I can't quite grasp how it all works. It has caused me to be skeptical and totally blind when a true friend really does show up. So, I am open to any ideas or input... would I really know the difference when a real one does show up?  I need a bigger instruction manual here. Ha ha ha! I just have to laugh! Because if you can't rely on social cues then...  I have NO IDEA how these people do it!!!
PS. I ADORE YOU! ;)

Wii got the upper hand.

I have been trying to lose weight for my trip home to visit family in December. I was going to do it alone but since I started the diet/workout routine, I have been joined by my Mom and -M-. I have decided that the exercise portion of my diet is going to be based on three items: The Wii, a jump rope and running.  I will have to progress through the 3 items as I lose weight, I can't just skip to the running portion of my routine. I need to lose a bit of weight first in order to be able to use a jump rope and then on to running.

So, most of my family and friends know how active I was before I got Perthes. I was in tap, gymnastics, track and field  and skiing. Running was something I absolutely loved doing before I got Perthes. I was one of the fastest in my class and was preparing to compete in the Hershey's track meet when I went into the hospital the first time. I regularly have dreams that I am running or dancing and the freedom I feel when I am doing these activities in my dreams is so powerful.  I wake up depressed knowing that it isn't real.  I can't say, I gave up on those things because perhaps with a total hip replacement it might still be a possibility.

Just after I got out of my braces (legs), I went overboard trying to do everything I could possibly do and pushed my physical limits to the absolute edge. I went climbing, rappelling, skiing, snowboarding... you name it and I at least tried it. Of course there were many disappointments, like when I tried to water-ski. I can't keep my legs together long enough to get up out of the water. I tried it several times, and ended up just being towed around on a big old whale floater. I think over time, things started getting more and more difficult as I abused the limits of my body. I now have more pain in my knees than I do in my hips.

So bringing this back around to last night, I was again reminded of my limitations when I couldn't physically move my legs off the ground. I was at a friends place playing Just Dance on the Wii. It was difficult to even allow myself to try, because every time I was required to move my feet, I would feel the pain shooting through my hips. I know this will get better as I lose weight, and this is my number one goal. I need to have more freedom, I need to be able to feel that running is a possibility.

So....
Dear Wii, you got the upper hand last night,
Sitting there all smug with your superior plight.
Look over your shoulder my little friend.
Because my discontent will be your end!

Winter Wonderland

It is winter in Brazil and you wouldn't really know it. This week I was able to wear my tank-tops and shorts a few time. I enjoy weather like this, but I am really am missing the winter wonderland weather I grew up with in Utah. It has been almost 9 years since I experienced a really cold winter. I would love to see snow again! I would love to wake up and  walk outside to see the front yard covered in snow. I want to look down the street and see the trees covered in the white powder. I would love to feel the snow crunch under my boots and pick it up and let it melt in my hands. I really hope I am able to see a little snow when I visit the USA in Dec.

I can't say I haven't felt the winter at all this year in Brazil, because I have. Just a few weeks ago, the weather was really cold and because it isn't normal to have a heater, my feet felt like little Popsicle for a week straight. I have been lucky enough though to avoid the viruses going around and I just got a slight sinus infection (knock on wood). I would like to keep it that way and not get sick this year.

If it does get any colder, I think I will find a small room at work,turn on the heater, curl up in a corner and hibernate. How funny would that be... Students, please ignore the lump in the corner, that is just the American in hibernation . Put a sign on me (please don't poke the American in hibernation).

I am a ninja!

Something made me laugh really hard in class the other night. I was playing the audio CD for the class to check their book work. I played it the first time around and one of my students started erasing the answers she had written down in her book. I then played the tape a second time and she put up her hand and said... "Wait just a minute please! I was right the first time." I looked at her and smiled, she looked back at me with a really confused face and said... "The first time you played it, the man said something different than what he said this time." Her face was totally serious, so I knew she really felt she had been cheated or something. I sat there in silence waiting for her to realize that this is a CD and I couldn't have possibly changed the answers between playing it the first time and playing it the second time. What the man on the tape said the first time is exactly what he said the second time. After a 20 to 30 second pause and some awkward silence. she was still looking at me as if I had done something wrong. Another student of mine broke the silence by saying "Yes, teacher got up, took the CD out of the player, replaced it with a false one, sat back down and hit play again, just to confuse you". I couldn't help it... I busted up laughing and backed what he said up with "My ninja skills are awesome". I was almost rolling on the floor in laughter. It was so funny and in the end she finally realized how silly it sounded ... Poor girl! she knows I love her! ... I hope ;)

Good Luck... on your wedding day.

One of my students reminded me yesterday of a conversation I had with her a few months ago. It was about a phrase that is commonly used in Brazil for weddings. Every time I think of this conversation it makes me laugh a bit. I find these slight cultural differences really facilitating and entertain most of the time.

We were talking about the phrase "good luck". She had mentioned to me that she says "good luck" to a bride and groom. I said "hold up". I need to get this straight in my head. "You wished the bride and groom good luck?" I asked. She then told me that it was very common to say this to a bride and groom. I still couldn't get this phrase to settle in my head as a good thing to say to a newly married couple.

The image that this phrase in the context of a wedding night brings to my head is not good. I was trying to picture in my mind being at a wedding. I go to hug the bride and groom and then cross my fingers and tell them "good luck". To me, telling someone "good luck" on the wedding day, translates into something other than I wish you happiness in your life. It roughly translates in my mind to, "wow you are brave" and "I wouldn't do it myself but good luck in your courageous dive into the deep end of the pool". I could just imagine my best friend glancing over at my spouse and saying "good luck". Oh the image makes me laugh.

Apparently in a culture where sarcasm isn't widely used nor understood, the term "Boa Sorte" or "Good Luck" is perfectly fine and normal to use at a wedding. So... Good Luck all you newlyweds out there!!! ... nope, sorry I still can't say it without feeling the sarcasm in the phrase.

Brazil vs. USA (Cultural Differences)

I’ve been mulling over where I should pick this blog back up. I have shown a lot of information about food and traditions here in Brazil but I think this blog is in desperate need of some cultural and social comparisons with the country I was born.

Here they are and in no rational order.Oh and please keep in mind that these are just my opinions!!!

USA	BRAZIL
I will do it alone	We will do it together
Omit the truth = Liar Liar Pants On Fire!	Omit the truth= Harmony and Peace
No!	Let’s see, well, perhaps, Maybe
Confront me= bring it on, I could use some good advice.	Confront me= You are being rude to me.
Tell me exactly what you expect me to do, or how you would like me to react.	Ambiguous communication to put across and ever expanding range of emotional responses.
The social protocol is the same for everyone.	Members of different social groups have different social protocol.
Authority= you have earned it.	Authority = anyone older, more educated or richer than me. And the police are exempt from consideration.
Go out and earn a living my child.	Stay home and help me out a bit longer.
Be fruitful and multiply (in your own home)	Be semi-fruitful and multiply once or perhaps twice (in our home).
Grandma and Grandpa can be found in room 3382A at the local nursing home.	Grandma and Grandpa can be found down the hall on the right, just past Mom and Dad’s room.
Let’s have a BBQ = Just the immediate family and maybe a few friends.	Let’s have a BBQ= Anyone who has our blood running though their veins and all of their neighbors. Oh and don’t forget the family pets as well.
Beer= Let’s get drunk.	Beer= Damn it is hot and I am thirsty.
I alone stand… I alone fall.	We stand together… We fall together.
Moving out= Get a house in a different city, county and perhaps state.	Moving out= buying the house or apartment a block from Mom’s place.
18= don’t let the door hit you on the way out.	18= you have 10 more years to settle down with a partner and get married. After that, we will talk about buying you the house next door.
Not making it to parent teacher conference= you don’t love or support your child nor his/her education.	Not making it to parent teacher conference= you probably had the best of intention but Aunt Carolina came for coffee just as you were grabbing your keys to leave.
Billy is going to be expelled from school= I am taking my lawyer with me to the meeting.	Billy is going to be expelled from school= He probably deserves what punishment they give him. I will admit fault and they will go easy on him.
If your voice is loud= you are being aggressive and screaming at me.	If your voice is loud= what do you mean my voice is loud… this is how I normally talk.
Party time: from 6:00 – 12:30	Party time: What??? Nobody can tell me when the party stops!!! If it’s over, come to my place and we will continue.